What Is an “I” Message? Introduced in the 1970s, “I” messages are commonly referred to and encouraged in marriage and family relationship education and marital therapy (Burr, 1990). “I” messages are most simply explained as a way of expressing our thoughts and emotions about a specific experience or interaction using a soft voice and a statement that often begins with, “I feel…” Other examples include: “I’m upset because…” “I get angry because…” “I am excited that…” This style of communication tells the listener that what is being said about the situation is based on personal experience and is not necessarily objective fact, leaving room for discussion. When used, “I” messages can be an effective tool in deescalating defensiveness and improving communication within relationships. In contrast, statements that begin with “you” tend to evoke defensiveness and an escalation of emotions rather than a desire to compromise and problem solve (Miller & Miller, 1997; The Phoenix Institute, 1982). By using “I” statements, we take responsibility for our thoughts and feelings rather than blaming them on our partner.
I’ll go first ! I feel President Trump’s concerns with certain immigration issue has merit. But I feel his abrupt actions addressing them is wrong. I feel we do need to secure our borders and do feel those who enter the United State illegally should be subjected to penalty of the law and be deported. However, I feel those who had visas in hand shouldn’t have the revoked!
I feel our Delaware educators should ask Governor John Carney his position on school vouchers and if he doesn’t support them will he veto any state legislation requiring his signature. And that he reject and federal education competitive grant that includes school vouchers directly or indirectly. I feel the governor is a greater threat to traditional public education than anyone in Washington D.C.. I feel former Governor Jack Markell is a prime example of my point!
I feel this is true ; “In contrast, statements that begin with “you” tend to evoke defensiveness and an escalation of emotions rather than a desire to compromise and problem solve”